How Did I End Up in China?

My Traveling Inexperience

As of February 21^st, the farthest I had ever traveled was Arizona. Now, that might be far if you are from Australia or Antarctica, but I am from Idaho. So in other words, I had been to a grand total of nowhere.

Did I mention that I am almost 25? I told myself for years and years that I loved to travel, but in the end, I had to face it. The most exotic place I had ever been to was Disneyland.

In a way, I think I was scared to travel. I kept making up excuses as to why I couldn’t go. I told myself I was too busy with school or that I needed to save money. But the biggest reason of all was that my friends were either married or in a tight place with finances, so I didn’t have anyone to go with. And I didn’t want to go alone. “Oh, how nice it would be to have a husband to travel with,” I thought. Maybe I would just have to wait until I got married to see the world.

But I didn’t have to wait.

Making My Move

At the beginning of this year, I knew I needed to start making things happen in my life. I felt very stuck, and I was tired of feeling that way. It was like my life was one, big quicksand pit. I couldn’t move, and I was sinking further and further. Not a good feeling. (I’ve been fighting that “stuck” feeling ever since I graduated with my bachelor’s degree two years ago.)

Anyway, I knew that things needed to start happening. So I got online and started looking at humanitarian and teaching programs that were international. I remembered ILP (the International Language Program) from a meeting I had gone to when I was nineteen where they had talked about their program and given us ice cream sundaes. I will admit, the main reason I went was for the sundaes, but I didn’t forget about ILP.

I found out from my roommate that two girls I knew were going to China through ILP. Hadn’t I always said that the only reason why I didn’t travel was because I had no one to go with? Now, here were two people I knew who were going to China. “BUT,” I told myself, “There’s no way that there are any more spots available in their program since they are leaving in a month. AND I don’t want to go to China anyway.” It was true. I wanted to go somewhere exotic like Thailand. To be honest, the idea of going to China had never appealed to me.

And then things suddenly changed.

One of the girls I knew who was going to China (Kim) Facebook messaged me and told me that a spot had opened up in their program. If I jumped on it fast enough, I could snag the spot. Suddenly, what had previously just been an idea became something that could actually happen—if I really wanted it.

Just Going for It

So I had two choices. I could either ponder about the decision to go to China and possibly forfeit my opportunity to go if I took too long deciding, or I could just go for it. I am usually the person who stands in the grocery aisle for ten minutes, trying to decide whether it’s better to get the less expensive enchilada sauce or the one without MSG, but this time, I didn’t think about it. I jumped.

And things started working. I got my passport overnighted and expedited, and it came right when I needed it to. I got both referral letters for the program in less than a week and managed to get all my vaccinations and doctor appointments done in only a few days. It was amazing how things just worked.

I kept doing everything I needed to do in order to go, but in all honesty, I still didn’t know if I really wanted to go. That might sound crazy, seeing as how I was putting time, money, and energy into going to China, but I had never really decided that I wanted to go. I was just doing everything I needed to do so I could have the chance to go.

Making My Decision

On the day my passport came, I went in to the ILP office to give them some of my documents. And then they told me something I wasn’t expecting to hear right at that moment. “You’re in,” they told me. “You just have to pay the deposit.”

This was it. The moment of decision. If I paid that deposit, I wasn’t getting out unless I paid a hefty fee. It was at that moment that I realized I hadn’t really decided if I wanted to go to China or not. I needed a moment to myself. So I pretended that I left my checkbook out in my car and escaped outside to think. I sat in my car and thought. I prayed, I read a scripture or two, and just looked outside. And then a thought came to me: I needed to have courage.

So I got out of my car with my checkbook in hand (which had been in my purse the whole time) and paid the deposit. I would like to say that as I left I felt empowered, excited, and happy, but I just felt…numbly shocked. Is that even possible? It was an interesting feeling…sort of surreal. I looked out at the sky and thought about seeing the sky in China for four months. I wasn’t sure what to think about that. But I knew I had made my decision. And that decision was China.

So…Why Did I Even Write This Part?

If you are someone who is close to me, then you know that I followed through with my decision. I am now in China! It has been wonderful so far. I have been here for…almost three weeks now! Crazy! I’m excited to write about all of my experiences here in China!

So, why did I take the time writing about my experience before I came to China if this blog is supposed to be about being in China? Well, it’s because I learned a lot from making the decision to come. I learned that sometimes you just have to jump and build your wings on the way down. Did I know for sure if coming to China was the “right” decision for me? Did I know for sure if that was what I really wanted?

No. I really had no idea. But I knew that I didn’t want a good opportunity to slip by. And in order for good opportunities to not slip by, we sometimes just have to take a leap of faith and go for it, even if we are unsure and afraid. We have to make decisions and do something if we want something to happen.

I made a decision, and I did something. And guess what? Something is happening! It’s called living, teaching, and exploring in China for four months.

I’m glad that my “something” is China. And I am excited to share my experiences with you!

Zaijian! (Goodbye!)